i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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