She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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