of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
