I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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