Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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