I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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