Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ttyl tear gas
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
