The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
