what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
