Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
