i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
