I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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