yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
