I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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