I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
