She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
