i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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