I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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