Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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