omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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