My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
