I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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