I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
