Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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