His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
