I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
