Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm really busy with my period
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