Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've blown a few things in my day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that may or may not have been my penis.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
