coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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