You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
