WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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