that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
