probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she peed on how many people?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
