We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
