I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
