oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize