i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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