I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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