There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
