I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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