Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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