Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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