so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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