You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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