I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
