the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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