where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
