YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
