??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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