You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just invented taco cereal.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
