went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
