Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
