I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
