i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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