I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize