I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
