im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
