Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
