how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize