when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
