My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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